odd

This year went by super fast. As I sit in my favorite hammock, miles away from home and my parents I contemplate how this year made me feel. This year was oddly different due to all the changes I had in my life. For once, I got to experience what living away from home was. I got to move away from my parents due to school. Moving away for college was not easy for me, though I enjoy alone time there were times in which I felt extra lonely and empty. I no longer had my horse to run to when I felt bored or stressed. I no longer had my siblings to talk to or run to their room to at least bother them. I no longer had my mom cooking. I no longer had my dad inviting me to go ride my horse during the evening. My hands felt empty. This past semester I was away from home stuck in an apartment in which the only people I knew were my roommates. Everything was so different- the atmosphere, community, everything. Overall, the semester went by fast but I can say that it has been the toughest semester from my college career. There were nights in which I would not sleep due to the amount of homework and studying I had. There were also nights in which I would cry  while studying. I remember crying for the first time to my mom, something I had never done like that- all because I was super stressed. College is not easy. I might sound like a whiner, but trust me when I say that college is hard. Specially when trying to find a job, keep up with an escaramuza team, and going back home weekends to see family members. It got to the point in which considering quitting escaramuza started to run in my head and sadly it still does. But you know what stresses me the most is having to contemplate the fact of having to depend from my parents for much longer. The thought of depending from my parents limits me and highly scares me. If there is something that my dad has always highly emphasized to me, has been to never depend from no one and depending from them is not an exception in my head. I pray to god for intelligence so I can be smart about my decisions and help me be less afraid of the future, but I just cannot wait to finish college and be able to find a wealthy and stable job. I have always dreamed about becoming a veterinarian, but one thing I did get out of one of my class this semester was that we must figure out our passion, analyze how we will get there, but also be realistic in regards to what will benefit you the best. As I’ve had the opportunity to work with veterinarians for years I got to experience how much little free time they have and also how their wage does not end up recompensing their work or long studies. I start to think, it is never to late to rethink your career, though you gotta be smart about it. From trying to figure out what passionates me I am highly certain that traveling fulfills my soul in every way and its something that I feel a strong passion for. After traveling to Thailand and flying out to New York all by myself, it helped me discover that there is more to life than being stuck in a routine. I fell in love with the new culture. People wanted and seemed so interested in my ethnicity as I was interested in theirs. I got to experience new religions which are beautiful and unique in their own way. My mind seems to open up to new experiences. If there is one thing I do affirm is that I will travel many countries before I die. There is no better feeling than boarding a plane or bus to get away from home and the routine I am stuck at.  For that is why becoming a veterinarian and wanting to travel the world does not seem to go hand in hand. The cost for vet school is extremely scary to think about. I think to myself, I love working with horses and there is always other alternatives in which I can maybe one day start a business or do something to fulfill that one passion of mine. Realistically speaking, I would not want to go through a huge debt for vet school because that is something I have personally been warn by veterinarians I know. And you know the reason why I realize I stress so much is for the fact that I hope that my job I find after finishing my career remunerates my hard work and studying I have done. But nevertheless everything is a lesson learn and this past semester I learned so many new things for my own good, though it was not the best I hold faith that 2019 everything has to be much better. My statistics professor once said “what ever you do, do not live of from he expectations of others” and that is something I will never do and those words will forever stick with me.

xoxo

dianalopez